I grew up being a ‘carer.’ My parents were young and not quite ready to be parents. So, they gave me tasks to do. Like chores, of course, but also caregiving responsibilities. They seemed to understand that I wanted to help. At five years old, I was in charge of making and delivering my mom’s morning tea to her each morning. By the age of six, I was collecting laundry from everyone’s basket, sorting lights from darks, adjusting the washing machine’s temperature, and beginning my task. My mom would joke that I was so much better than she ever was at laundry, and I took that as a compliment. It pushed me to be even better. By ten, I was tall enough to use the stove, and making dinner was added to my repertoire.
I’m not complaining about how I was raised. In many ways, I am thankful. I learned responsibility early, developed a strong work ethic, and found fulfillment in being someone others could rely on. However, in the midst of these responsibilities to everyone else, I somehow missed the concept that it was okay to treat myself and my needs as efficiently as I did everyone else’s.
Caring for and about others is a wonderful thing. It is part of many of us. We feel a deep sense of purpose in being the person who makes life smoother for those around us. Whether it’s making a meal, offering a listening ear, or stepping up when no one else will, caregivers find fulfillment in their ability to serve. But what happens when that care is not extended inward? When the same level of dedication is not directed toward our own well-being?
For a long time, I believed self-care was indulgent, something reserved for people who had fewer responsibilities. I told myself that I didn’t have time for long baths, leisurely walks, or activities that were just for me. But over time, I began to see the cracks forming. Exhaustion crept in. Resentment built up. I realized that by always prioritizing others, I had unintentionally taught myself that my own needs were not important.
The shift didn’t happen overnight, but I started making small changes. I gave myself permission to pause. I set boundaries that protected my time. I reminded myself that I deserved care, not just in fleeting moments but as a consistent practice. Self-care didn’t have to mean extravagant spa days or expensive treats, it could be as simple as sitting with a cup of coffee without feeling guilty, saying no to extra obligations when I was already stretched thin, or acknowledging my own emotions instead of pushing them aside.
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is that caring for myself doesn’t take away from my ability to care for others. In fact, it strengthens it. When I am rested, nourished, and fulfilled, I show up more fully for those I love. I am patient, present, and able to give from a place of abundance rather than depletion.
If you, like me, have spent a lifetime caring for others, I invite you to turn some of that care inward. Treat yourself with the same kindness, attentiveness, and respect that you so easily offer to those around you. Start small, choose one simple act of self-care each day. Maybe it’s a moment of stillness before the crazy day begins, a nourishing meal you prepare just for yourself, or a deep breath before responding to yet another request.
We are just as worthy of care as the people we serve. And when we learn to give ourselves that grace, you’ll find that caring for others no longer feels like an obligation but a gift that flows naturally from a place of wholeness. Self-care isn’t selfish. It is essential. It’s time we start believing that.
About Stephanie Orphanacos B.A., C.Med.
Professor and Family Counsellor
Stephanie is in business as a Family Counsellor and a part-time Professor. Stephanie enjoys supporting her clients and her students as they wend their way through the system to access the supports and services they will need to achieve success for themselves or for their children. Bringing her years of experience in multiple therapeutic modalities and her background in crisis management, mediation and program development, Stephanie mentors her clients on how best to locate or develop the resources they require to realize their specific goals or objectives.
Stephanie contributes to the Wild About Wellness Community online where members passionate about holistic health and wellness come together to share information, educate and contribute for the purpose of learning and growing. You are invited to explore the site with a free 1-month membership. Get your 1-month free membership HERE. Register for our FREE monthly events HERE