Written by Lois Lenarduzzi
Since the primo relationship you have is with yourself, I’m going to focus here.
When I turned fifty-years old, I was bent and determined to know and show myself on a grander scale. Not in a show-offy sense, but to do the things that made me shiver in my timbers. I was aware of the hiding, censoring, suppressing, and walking on eggshells I had practiced a good part of my life.I’d experienced some pretty hard-core trauma in my forties – two major surgeries, vertigo, losing my massage therapy business, and severe anxiety. I was a mess trying to hide how weak and fragile I felt. I hated being that f—ing delicate flower.Funny how adversity can ding, ding, ding the bell to go inward. It forced me to delve deep into the somatic adaptive patterns and programming that were running my show, and at the root of my chronic health issues, namely, fear.
My fifties forced me to confront the many faces of fear, and installed courage on a much grander scale. Because of the vertigo that plagued me, I was terrified to get on a plane to the island of Bimini in the Bahamas. However, I did, as I wanted to partake in an adventure of swimming in the wild with dolphins.
The facilitators taught us to snorkel and free-dive. I finally mastered it and came within two bus lengths of a shark. I hightailed it for the surface and half way up, came eye to eye with a barracuda. “Ya wanna face your fears, honey, here ya go!” said the Universe. There were many more instances, but it would increase story’s word count.
Entering my sixties was a step up to the plate to, “I gotta be me.” This was part of a poem I wrote in my book, Eat Your Crusts – Life Lines and Laugh Lines Of A Sweetly Warped Woman. Oh—did I tell you? I wrote a memoir when I turned sixty-five. Yup, part of my diabolical plan to turn up the “you can do this” heat.
The sixth decade often forces us to reflect big time. For example, Am I: happy, (when was the last time I felt joy?) doing enough for my health, going overboard for my health, am I giving too much/not receiving enough in return, saying “no” when I really want to, or saying “yes” when I really feel called to, choosing choices/relationships in my life that feed me, not deplete me?
These questions are a calling “home” for you; a way back to remember who you really are, right here, right now. It’s the innate worth, divinity, and sovereignty that resides in you, me, everyone.
That calling came to me eleven months ago, in my sixty-seventh year, in the form of signing up to go on the Bold and Visible stage to deliver my personal monologue CHARTREUSE SILK. I will be joined by fourteen other strong, courageous women who will be sharing their transformation stories in Calgary, Alberta on Thursday, October 23rd at 4:30pm-7:00pm EST.
I would love for you to join us at our FREE Livestream event here: https://luma.com/monologues2025.
This is a high-five to myself in believing in what I have to say is important and relevant both to myself and others. Hiding was my go-to protector for most of my life. This is my calling to my authentic self to be seen and heard for all I’ve lived through, accomplished, overcame and learned from. Nothing can define me unless I let it, baby.
It’s not how other people see me, it’s how I see myself. At this stage of the game, I am so much more aware when I am performing, pretending, looking for others to validate or approve of me. That’s so old school.
Instead of looking up to others for approval, maybe it’s high time to look up to yourself as your own guru—that powerful, resilient, brilliant, authentic YOU that is ready and waiting for your call.
I am waiting with bated breath for the next callings in the coming years. Time to get strapped in and ready for lift-off.
Artist, author, movement / mindfulness / breathwork and workshop facilitator. Lois is the facilitator for THE SWEETLY-WARPED CREATIVITY CLUB, designed to expand your inner and outer worlds through playful creative self-expression. Contact lojolenarduzzi@gmail.com
Lois contributes to the Wild About Wellness Community online where members passionate about holistic health and wellness come together to share information, educate and contribute for the purpose of learning and growing. You are invited to explore the site with a free 1-month membership. Get your 1-month free membership HERE. Register for our FREE monthly events HERE