Written By Stephanie Orphanacos
I am both a student and at times, a teacher of psychology. The way our mind works is an endless lesson in self-development. The more I read, the more I understand; and the more I realize how little I know. It’s a fascinating conundrum.
Recently, I revisited my studies to explore the science behind limiting beliefs, the unconscious thought patterns that dictate what we can or cannot do. These beliefs, like many of our mental processes, are shaped by past experiences. Sometimes they come from societal messages, or even words from childhood, embedding themselves as “truths” that quietly hold us back.
Some of my most persistent beliefs sound like scratched records playing on repeat:
- I’m not good enough.
- I don’t have what it takes.
I remember as a child feeling anxious about stepping onto a baseball diamond or a soccer field. What if I missed the ball? What if everyone laughed? I convinced myself that staying on the sidelines was safer. Hiding in plain sight became my default. Instead of pushing past the discomfort, I built walls to keep myself in and to keep opportunities out. I thought I knew what was beyond those walls: rejection, failure, and confirmation that I didn’t fit the mold.
How Limiting Beliefs Shape Our Lives
The tricky thing about limiting beliefs is that they operate in the background, shaping our decisions without us realizing it. They influence how we see opportunities, handle challenges, and interact with others.
For example, if you unconsciously believe you’re not a leader, you may shrink back from roles that require you to take charge. If you’ve been taught that financial success requires struggle, you might reject opportunities that seem “too easy,” even if they align perfectly with your skills.
These beliefs create self-fulfilling cycles. If you believe you aren’t good at public speaking, you’ll avoid speaking opportunities. Because you never practice, your speeches never improve. This reinforces the belief that you’re “bad at it,” keeping you stuck.
How to Break Free from Limiting Beliefs
The good news? Limiting beliefs are not permanent. They are simple learned patterns of thinking and anything learned can be unlearned. Here’s how:
1. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs
All change begins with awareness. Like everything we begin by paying attention to our internal dialogue. How often do we repeat self-defeating thoughts? Notice the recurring negative themes in your mind. Once we recognize the problem, then we can start to shift them.
2. Challenge the Validity of These Beliefs
Ask yourself:
- Is this belief an absolute fact, or is it just my perception?
- Where did this belief come from?
- Have I ever had moments that proved this belief wrong?
Often, our limiting beliefs don’t hold up under scrutiny. For instance, if you think you’re “not creative,” ask yourself ‘have I ever solved a problem in a unique way?’ Creativity isn’t just about painting or music; it takes many forms. Personally, I love tackling The New York Times crossword puzzle. That’s a creative endeavor!
3. Reframe Your Thinking
Once we identify a limiting belief, flip it. Instead of saying, “I’m not good at this,” try, “I’m learning and improving.” Instead of, “I’m not a leader,” use a reframe and say, “I am developing my leadership skills.” Words matter! The way you speak to ourselves shapes and confirms our innermost and unconscious reality.
4. Take Small, Courageous Actions
Now we get down to work. Nothing dismantles limiting beliefs faster than action. If we think you’re bad at networking, reach out to just one person. Set this as a goal. It may not look like a small step but it sure feels big. The beauty of this is that each step you take weakens the grip of those old beliefs. The more you challenge them, the more they disintegrate into wee pieces.
5. Surround Yourself with Expanders
It is no surprise that the people we spend time with, shape our beliefs. Einstein said repeating the same thing and expecting a different result is crazy. It may be time to have a look at your peer group. Do they inspire you? If not, it’s time to spend some time with people who are doing what you ‘think’ is impossible. Being in a positive peer group and watching others break barriers can shift your perspective from that’s impossible to possible.
A Future Without Limits
Now, develop a vision. Imagine yourself living free from limiting beliefs. What would you pursue? How would you show up differently in your life? The only thing standing between you and that version of yourself is the decision to challenge the beliefs that are holding you back.
We are all capable of more than we think. I truly believe that. Our thoughts are powerful, but we are even more powerful than our thoughts. Take control of your brain. Shift your mindset. Enjoy your new reality.
I know I am.
About Stephanie Orphanacos B.A., C.Med.
Professor, Family Counsellor & Student
Stephanie is in business as a Family Counsellor and a part-time Professor. Stephanie enjoys supporting her clients and her students as they wend their way through the system to access the supports and services they will need to achieve success for themselves or for their children. Bringing her years of experience in multiple therapeutic modalities and her background in crisis management, mediation and program development, Stephanie mentors her clients on how best to locate or develop the resources they require to realize their specific goals or objectives.
Stephanie contributes to the Wild About Wellness Community online where members passionate about holistic health and wellness come together to share information, educate and contribute for the purpose of learning and growing. You are invited to explore the site with a free 1-month membership. Get your 1-month free membership HERE. Register for our FREE monthly events HERE