Written by Joy Seunarine
What is a leader and what is mindful leadership? In what ways do leaders serve the greater good? These questions are difficult to answer. As I reflect on them my answer would be: A leader is someone who can guide people into their vision that will serve the community. Our personal values come in to play in that leadership must be given without an agenda of manipulation or coercion. A good leader should have integrity, self-awareness, courage, respect, compassion and resilience” (quote from the internet)
I have recently become certified as a Death Doula. #deathdoula This journey started 20 years ago when I started working with the Veterans at Sunnybrook Health Centre. Correction, it started many years ago when I was working as a nurse’s aide in a chronic care facility. I will share my journey to this state and how it plays out in leadership roles.
Rehab centers, chronic care facilities, and wards with individuals suffering with dementia are a heartbreaking reality. When I first started working at Sunnybrook with the Veterans, I witnessed something not commonly seen. Working with this population was at first difficult. You witness heartbreaking situations of those with strokes unable to talk. Or those who had many medical interventions which kept them alive but drastically changed the quality of their lives. I witnessed families pushing an agenda of intervention after intervention when death was clearly imminent. One heart breaking story is a man whose family insisted on an x-ray. We talked and it was obvious, he was scared and anxious. I stayed with him until the porter came and assured him that I would return after his x-ray. Because of our long relationship, he felt comforted. When he returned, he was non-communicative and died within a day or two.
A long standing tradition of lunches with fellow therapists gave us the space to question and reflect on the circumstances that led people to exist in severely diminished states. We reflected for ourselves what we would do in our own lives to avoid this happening to our loved ones. We started to reflect on the impetus to always save lives no matter what, which is how the medical system runs. I started to question the parameters of when treatment stops and palliation starts. When does the treatment to save a life shift to preparing for inevitable death for both the individual and for their loved one? These conversations fed me at a deep level. I felt ignited on a mission to have conversations around the topic of aging, decline and death.
The information and opinions we shared have shaped my philosophy and was very helpful when it came to my mother‘s care in her decline and eventual death. I recall many conversations with Mom on the people I saw over the years. She was adamant that she did not want unnecessary interventions. It became clear to me that sometimes even going to an emergency room is an intervention that doesn’t serve the patient. I led my family into reflections on thinking through trips to emergency. Going, just going to emergency with the bright lights and frenzied energy was just an annoyance to my mother as she was facing decline and death; it pulled her away from the process of gradually letting go into a peaceful death. Thankfully, emergency visits were kept to a minimum.
In small and big ways, my conversations and my experience have led to an intensity of feelings around death and dying. As a leader in the conversations around death there are two things that drive my passion. One is the heartbreak of knowing that the precious time someone has for important conversation are often missed. Denial, difficulty having uncomfortable conversations and lack of knowledge along with other factors contribute to this. The second are the unnecessary interventions hoping against hope, pushing for an outcome that is not feasible. All these things can block peaceful deaths, or a ‘good’ death.
In conclusion, mindful leadership is using our skills and gifts to support other’s. We hold space so that individuals can make choices based on our guidance, experience and knowledge.
About Joy:
Joy contributes to the Wild About Wellness Community online where members passionate about holistic health and wellness come together to share information, educate and contribute for the purpose of learning and growing. You are invited to explore the site with a free 1-month membership. Get your 1-month free membership HERE. Register for our FREE monthly events HERE